I always wanted a job that made me travel. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I always knew I wanted to travel. Finally in 2014 and 2015 I had to travel A LOT for work. The problem is that I always leave a piece of my heart at home. I still do what I need to do, but I don't do it with the excitement that it deserves. I know that Emma will be OK while I'm gone. I'm just sad because I will miss her and I'm sure she will miss me too. She has an amazing dad and I'm lucky to have a real partner who supports me 100%.
During one of those work trips, Emma was very sick. She was so sick that she was going to be hospitalized because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with her. I was literally across the globe and I felt like the worst mother in the world for being so far away. She got better and I came home a few days later but I was so close to having an anxiety attack many days while I was away. It didn't help that the teachers at her day care started to criticize me and telling me she is too young to have a mother that travels for work. I was upset when they told me that and of course I felt like a bad mom (again).
Skype was my best friend when Emma was under 2, but things changed when she got older. She thought that I was hiding behind the screen and she would look for me everywhere. It broke my heart to see her doing that. I simply had to stop calling her on skype. I would call my mom/husband/sister/aunt/anyone to ask about her, but I couldn't see her or talk to her. This was so hard. I had to do it for her, but it was probably the hardest thing to do.
On a positive side, I enjoy work trips because I can have time alone that I never have a home, I get to travel, have dinner most nights, exercise, and simply change my routine. I never get to sleep in not even in a quiet hotel room. I was away a lot during February to April but I have been at home since then.
Motherhood has been a test for me in many ways. Moms really are super heroes. We forget about our own needs to put our family first. It's really hard to "have it all", but I think that having a fulfilled career will make me a better mom. I'm not saying all moms should work outside of the house. I'm just saying that for me, working is what I want to do. There are days when I feel that I don't see my daughter enough and that I work too much. I feel guilty about it all the time. However, I'm learning to have quality time with her and give her 100% of my attention when I'm with her. I can only hope that I set a good example for her to be whatever she wants to be!
During one of those work trips, Emma was very sick. She was so sick that she was going to be hospitalized because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with her. I was literally across the globe and I felt like the worst mother in the world for being so far away. She got better and I came home a few days later but I was so close to having an anxiety attack many days while I was away. It didn't help that the teachers at her day care started to criticize me and telling me she is too young to have a mother that travels for work. I was upset when they told me that and of course I felt like a bad mom (again).
Skype was my best friend when Emma was under 2, but things changed when she got older. She thought that I was hiding behind the screen and she would look for me everywhere. It broke my heart to see her doing that. I simply had to stop calling her on skype. I would call my mom/husband/sister/aunt/anyone to ask about her, but I couldn't see her or talk to her. This was so hard. I had to do it for her, but it was probably the hardest thing to do.
On a positive side, I enjoy work trips because I can have time alone that I never have a home, I get to travel, have dinner most nights, exercise, and simply change my routine. I never get to sleep in not even in a quiet hotel room. I was away a lot during February to April but I have been at home since then.
