Paid Maternity Leave Coming to the US?

Last week, I read that President Obama is trying to promote paid maternity leave. I support this idea 100% as a mother that had to take non-paid leave to take care of her baby. I had to get back to work when my baby was only 10 weeks old. This was one of the most difficult times of my life. I always wanted to get back to work after having a baby, but it was very sad to be away from her. I came back to work with my breast pump and thanks to a fairly new policy that allows women to pump several times a week, I was not in trouble for taking a 15 minute break every 3 hours. I'm lucky that I have a private office where I could have privacy and I also had a boss that was flexible about it. For those that don't know, the law also allows women to request a clean place to pump. Employers must provide a place other than a bathroom for nursing moms. 

I am amazed to see the amount of negative posts about moms getting paid during maternity leave. Thanks to the Family Medical Leave Act, employers should keep your job (without pay) open for 12 weeks. I only learned about this when it was my turn to stay home. It was tight even after saving and planning for my unpaid leave. It didn't help that my husband lost his job when my daughter was only 2 weeks old. Luckily, I had the short term disability insurance (6 weeks for a natural birth, 8 weeks for a c-section) and that was the only income that I got. Maternity leave is not a nice vacation. It is physical recovery for the mother sometimes from a surgery (c-section).  Don't forget about the newborn that requires constant attention and feeding. Before I was a mom, I thought that while the baby slept I could catch up on my reading. I had no idea what it was like to take care of a baby. 

The United States is the only developed Country that has a non paid maternity leave. Even in "poor" Countries like Colombia women get paid leave. I don't want people live off the system. Most people are afraid of those who will start having babies non stop to get paid leave. I'm sure there is a way to prevent; maybe not allowing new hires to take a paid leave or limit it to one paid leave every few years or even just increase the number of weeks that the short term disability insurance provides. It is hard enough for new moms to worry about how to take care of another person. We should not have to worry about how to pay the rent or take care of our basic needs when all of our time and attention should be given to our baby. I hope that this idea becomes a reality soon and that new moms can benefit from it. 

How to Survive Pregnancy (According to me)

One of the most surprising things that happen after having a baby is that you forget how miserable you felt while you were pregnant. When I talk about my 39 weeks of pregnancy I feel like I'm telling a story about someone else. Before I completely forget, I wanted to create this list for my friends who want to become mothers. 

• Maternity clothes are extremely comfortable. Accept your new body and love stretchy pants since early in the pregnancy. There is no need to be tight and uncomfortable. Some of them can be fashionable if you are willing to spend money on a pair of designer jeans. I never got a pair because I didn't know how big my butt was going to get. However, after the 3rd or 4th month the part of my body that really grew was my belly. 

• Buy comfortable shoes, I never thought I was going to love crocs. Your feet will get swollen. I never got a pair of crocs before. I wore them everyday the last month when the weather got too cold for flip flops. There are some prettier ballet flat like styles. They are really comfortable and wide enough to fit your new elephant size feet. My feet were 1.5 sizes larger while I was pregnant and now I'm a permanent half size larger. 

• Watch your weight. Its normal to gain a good amount of weight. However, the heavier you get, the more miserable you will be at the end. Try to gain what the doctor says its healthy. I gained 30 lbs and it was "normal" (up to 40 it's ok). I didn't have any cravings but I ate what I wanted!! I can't imagine how many pounds you can get if you get cravings. Many women lose weight at the first months because of morning sickness. It wasn't my case. 

• Morning sickness can happen at any time of the day. Mine was every day until I was 14 weeks, after 6:00 pm. At least I could work all day and come home to lay on the couch until I fell asleep. Iced lemonade and crackers helped a lot. I should have said no to many visitors or late dinners while I was pregnant and I didn't. All I wanted was to take it slow. You shouldn't feel guilty to say no. Pregnancy is exhausting and people should understand and respect that. 

• Get many pedicures and manicures because you will miss having time for yourself and I don't mean time to take a shower. After the baby arrives, you will barely have time to take a shower and that's if you are lucky. My first manicure was when Emma was 6 months old. Take as much time for YOU as you can. Go out to dinner with your friends, watch movies, go out of town often, and even take a babymoon. You can still do those things with kids but it takes a lot more time and effort. 

• The really restrictive diet begins when you are nursing because there so many foods can make the baby get gas (even if it never gives you gas). Enjoy everything you like now. It's a long list. I gave up dairy fro months just in case Emma's colics were my fault. I didn't have broccoli, cabbage, onions, or citrus just to name a few. 

• The pregnancy "glow" is a lie. I had acne the first months and I haven't had acne since I was 15!! 

• Get as many used baby items as you can from your friends and family. It will save you a lot of money. I will be eternally grateful to my friend who mailed huge boxes from Houston filled with her boys stuff. Most things are animal themed and can be used for boys and girls. I have tons of burp cloths that have cars or are blue. Really, who cares if you don't have a girly design if it will be used to clean up spit ups. Use the baby shower to get the most useful items. Don't add clothes to your registry. Most people buy the baby clothes that they like. Also, don't be shy about adding the most expensive items since many people like to buy one big gift as a group. If you don't get them as a gift, most stores will give you a discount on the items from your list. 

• Read the book "what to expect when you are expecting" in the month that you are. It's a LONG book but if you read it by chapters you will actually remember it. The movie doesn't count. 

• The nursery won't be used for a while after the baby is born. If you don't have it ready before the baby comes, you will not have enough time to do it. Also, it's fun to prepare for the new member of your family and to get dad involved. 

• Keep extra clothes (pants and underwear) with you and a few pads at all times. Nobody tells you this but sometimes accidents do happen. When you are pregnant you need to pee A LOT. At the beginning because of hormones and the baby pressures the bladder as it gets bigger. When you think it's bad, it will get worse. The accidents are not a lot but enough to be uncomfortable. Besides you can't really run anymore and sometimes there are lines for the restroom and nobody ever offers to let you go first. 

• It's a really good idea to take a birthing class and tour the hospital. You will be happy you did when the time comes. I had to go 3 times to the hospital because of my high blood pressure and it was easy to get in alone. I drove and waited until someone met me there.  This leads to the next item... 

• Pack your hospital bag, breast pump, and baby bag ahead of time and put everything in your car. The day of the first false alarm I had left my bags ready on the stairs. Emma decided not to arrive that day, but I also learned that at least someone other than your partner needs to have keys to your house. I never took a breastfeeding class and I wish I did. Breastfeeding is really challenging. There is a whole post about that coming. 

• Have a plan B. Ideally, contractions start when you are at home, but knowing that my sister's water broke at work I was terrified that it would happen to me as well. I thought of the many things that could happen and tried to have someone at work ready to call Andre, drive me to the hospital, and call someone to clean up in case my water broke. This never happened, but it gave me peace of mind knowing that someone was in charge while I was panicking or in pain.  

Last but not least, get dad involved. If you are single, get your friends and family involved. Don't try to do everything yourself including all the nesting at the end. I went to a lot of doctors appointments alone but there are some good ones that its nice to have someone with you. I went with my mom or sisters several times. They loved to come and see the baby or just knowing that they can help. The day you confirm the pregnancy, the first ultrasound, the day they check for the sex and when you hear the heart beat for the first time are special moments to share as a couple. I had 2 urgent appointments so there will be some scary moments too. Sadly i was alone during those. Also, you will get blood taken sooooo many times that it's nice to have someone for moral support. It's hard to believe that there is a human being growing inside of you. It's even harder for men, so help them out by making them feel important.

I thought I didn't remember but it looks like I did. If anyone wants to add anything to the list please do. When you are pregnant you can't get enough tips and advise from other mothers. Just for the record, you should always listen to your doctor. Every pregnancy is different and you should always follow their advise.