A Blast from the Past

A few Satudays ago, I had a bachelorette party. The night started with a nice dinner that lasted until midnight. After dinner, we went to a club where we had a table a 2 bottles of vodka waiting for us. The old me, would have said that it was a perfect night out with old friends. The new me says that I had a great time but I was ready to go home at 11:00 PM. I was sleepy and I wanted to take my heels off. Someone asked me what time was my curfew. I told her that I had no curfew but I had an early wake up call. I had 2 drinks and went home by 2:00 AM. The following day, I was exhausted and I started to think about how my life has changed since I became a mother. I could probably talk non stop for 2 hours about it. I felt like the oldest person in the club, even though I saw a few people that were older than me. Most girls were wearing mini skirts and dresses that are too short for my post-baby body. I used to wear things like that A LONG TIME AGO.  They are probably hidden in a corner in my closet. My closet is another subject that I could talk about forever. I'm not going to go there.

In the past year, I discovered that everything looks so easy from the outside. Babies look so cute in pictures and there are so many books to help with everything. However, it's not as easy when you have to do it. Everything that you say you will never do, you will do it because when you can't sleep. You will try everything!!!! Even the "bad ideas". If it works, you will do it again. I was criticized by several people when I started to co-sleep with Emma. Emma was 6 months old and she wanted to nurse all night long. I was beyond exhausted and I moved her to my bed. I laid on my side and I rested and even slept while she nursed. A few months later, one of the moms that criticized me (while she was pregnant) ended up doing the same and it worked. It might be the mother's warm body or just feeling company that makes the baby calm. I was very careful to never use blankets or items that can suffocate your child while he/she is asleep. I was also very careful not to have pillows next to her. Thankfully I was doing this when she was old enough to move. I would have been more nervous about it when she was a newborn because of SIDS.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have Emma. Would I be traveling non stop? or have a better position at work and working 60 hours a week? Would I still live in Tampa close to my family? I sometimes miss my old life. I got a hint of it that Saturday at the girls night out. It turns out, I don't miss going out or partying all night long. What I miss some days is having some time for me: doing my nails, my hair, getting a tan, going to the gym after work. Yes, I really said going to the gym! As much as I crave some "me time" I would not change any of that for the life that I have now. My family is what makes me happy. I have no regrets from the past or with the stage of my life that I am in. I will never be the same that I was years ago. I'm Emma's mom now and that fills my heart.