When I was pregnant, I attended a birthing class, toured the hospital, and read the book
"What to Expect when you are Expecting" cover to cover. I washed all the bodysuits and my clothes in hypoallergenic baby detergent. I heard all the birth stories from my friends and family. Being a mother is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me and also the hardest. I don't mean to scare my pregnant or soon to be pregnant friends but I wish I knew what to expect after the big day. After all that research I still wasn't ready. That's why I'm writing this. Maybe with my experience I can help a few soon to be new moms. Two of my best friends are pregnant and 2 more are planning to have a baby in 2014.
Motherhood has made me a big cry baby. I did not have postpartum depression, but I cried for different the reasons. The baby blues is when hormones play with all of your emotions after the baby is born until you get back to your normal self. Everything is very intense the first days or even weeks after you give birth. Make sure that you call a friend to vent when you get too overwhelmed and if you get too sad check with your doctor. You will also cry of happiness. Just thinking about the moment when I held my baby in my arms for the first time brings tears to my eyes. It's incredible to finally meet that baby that was inside of you for so long. By the way, she did look like the 3D scan that we did at 30 weeks pregnant.
You know that childbirth would be painful but it was more difficult than what I ever imagined. You will be poked with needles since you arrive to the hospital. Epidurals rock, but when the needle is going into your back the pain is intense. Pitocin is painful and contractions too. I only felt them for 2 hours before asking for my epidural and my life changed (for good) after I got it. I never wanted an induction but my blood pressure was too high to be safe for both of us. I didn't want pitocin and I still had to have it to get things rolling. Having my water break (by hand) was the most painful moment of my life. As a result of not having enough dilation, I ended up having an emergency C section. After 36 hours of waiting and suffering, I was relieved to go into the operating room. I was also happy when I found out that my daughter weighted 8.5 lbs. I was afraid to push a big baby. However, I was in pain another week because of the wound. One thing I learned the hard way is that birth plans are only plans, nothing really works out as planned when it comes to having a baby.
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| Hours before meeting my baby |
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| Minutes after birth |
After your bundle of joy is born, you get some skin to skin time and also you will have to start breastfeeding as son as possible. Breastfeeding is challenging. I knew it because my sister told me that it would take 2 weeks to be ok with it. Sore nipples are very sensitive. I was miserable for the first three weeks because of the pain. Every 2 or 3 hours when she needed to eat, I cried and I wanted to quit. My guilt wouldn't let me give up so I cried because I felt like a bad mother. A
lactation consultant from the hospital came to the room and helped me figure out the most comfortable position and she also made sure that the baby was latching correctly. I never got used to leaking breast milk. By the way, you can't really go anywhere without worrying that in less than 3 hours you will be in pain because of a full breast, leaking, or publicly showing your breasts. Invest in a good breast pump even if you stay at home. They are worth every penny. I used my medela for 10 months so divide the cost and it's not that much. I never perfected the use of the "bebe au lait" cover so I ended up a few times in my car feeding Emma. Make sure that you bring your breast pump EVERYWHERE. There are lots of videos and information available to successfully breastfeed. I used
BabyCenter all the time and I would recommended their app and website to everyone. I breastfed until last week. I feel happy to say that I breastfed Emma for 10 months. She only had breast milk until she was 6 months old and after that I slowly started to lower my supply to only nights and mornings. She did not wanted to stop but I was exhausted from pumping at work and I also wanted to get some good quality sleep at night. I loved our time together and I do think that it was a great bonding experience. After 2 days she completely forgot about it and never asked me for more. It was easier than what I thought.
You also get very emotional when something is wrong with them or when they cry. I remember 2 particular bad days. The first one was when Emma was 2 days old, she had jaundice. She was away from me and the anxiety was high. I knew that she was safe at the nursery but I felt that she was so far from me and I couldn't stop crying. I also didn't want to go home and leave her at the hospital. We were lucky that she only had to stay for 24 hours and we went home together. The second time was when she was about a week old, she choked while she was breastfeeding. That moment when she didn't breathe, it was the scariest moment if my life. We had to call 911 when she would not breathe. She even started to turn purple. I was lucky that my mom was around and she knew what to do. I didn't know what to do and I was still very limited with my movements. After everything I was OK, I couldn't stop crying. My nerves were out of control for several hours. We signed up for a child's CPR class the weekend after this happened. I don't even want to think what would have happened if I was alone with her. After that time, I always had to have someone with me to feed her. I was too afraid to have the same problem.
Before I was a mom I was always afraid of the lack of sleep. I used to sleep until noon if I could. I was also very sleepy when I was pregnant. Sleep deprivation feels like a constant hangover. You are exhausted and at the same time sleeping during the day is difficult. Sometimes we were too tired to get to bed and just slept where we could. You learn to sleep when the baby sleeps. You never really get used to it but you learn how to survive. The worst part is having to be productive at work and since I had to watch my caffeine intake for my breast milk it made it even more difficult. As a nursing mom, you get very little rest. As much as others are willing to help, you have the food. You could pump but it also takes time and then you have to get the milk to a bottle before your hungry baby wakes up.
Dads always feel left out after the baby comes home. They are an important part of all mother's mental health and in my case he was also my nurse. I couldn't even get out of bed by myself. They really need a lot of patience. Some days I had to ask him to cut me some slack because I was too sensitive and frustrated. I admire single mothers or mothers that can't get any help with their kids. I don't think I could have survived without Andre. I also had my mom helping us and that was a blessing. I have 2 nephews but I had no idea how to take care of a new born full time. I appreciate Andre so much more since he was been doing everything for me. He did everything I asked him to do even when he was tired.
I have to say that the best part of being a mother is when they finally start smiling at you. They melt your heart and you remember that all the pain and the sleepless nights were all worth it. Your life is forever changed because you never knew that your heart could love SO much.
